(Since I usually take note of these)
Song of the year: Bad Day
Summer Song: Dream
Frequent mental dialogue: Who cares about me?
Movie of the year: She's the One

I just finished reading my personal entries and realized how cold this year have become despite the best events I was blessed with.

This year probably gave me the best and changed some personal preferences to those that will help me in the future. This year switched my ideal type from GD to Taeyang, my tolerance level from high probability of getting pissed off to low probability even when people are not giving me any justice, and the feelings accompanied by the thoughts I've been bearing for a long time.

At some point, it was hilarious to recall my frustrations of not doing enough in academics, social activities and the weirdest one, in becoming closer to my ideal self. Academics gave its last best gift not only for me but for everyone, social activities dragged me to experience wild events with different people and even led me to do stupid things I never thought I would do in my life (dkjfd), and lastly, I somehow reached my ideal self when I tested my limits in balancing a lot of responsibilities at hand and still succeeded (aka Kaguya). Aside from this, the 'meltdown' has been succeeding. I mentioned before that emotional changes in yourself can only be noticed by others at first before noticing it yourself. For this year, the most evident victim of this is probably my family. My frequent thoughts of moving out miraculously changed to wanting to stay home forever. At this age, the family will be the only consistent group in life and imagining a week of not talking about the basic topics, getting the immediate and authentic support when I'm giving up, and assuring me that I'm doing well if not too much, will just deepen my lone existence in life.

The resurrecting chances and small closures also added to this year's surprises. The hobbies I let go off in high school (FF and RP) were given chances to close for me, old friends turned up and have become candidates as life-long friends, and most importantly, new people accepted me and have been continually convincing me that I matter despite the distant and emotional unavailability I have.

2013 gave me the best and more so, made me realize the best --- that I actually have them when I thought I had to seek for more. However, I always find myself returning to that empty and cold place within at the end of the day. The answer to this still remain unanswered but in general, this is a slap to the faces of people who gave me a lot to be grateful for this year and for the rest of my life. Whether the question's about finding why nothing holds me despite all the fun, looking for the answer to the interview question of what interests me, knowing what I deserve because almost everyone thinks that I deserve better, or finding a good place where people can just accept that fact I choose what I deserve or not, I would just like this figured out if not next year then someday.

As the song above goes, all of these are questions on when a sunny day will come to remove the coldness and if the feeling will actually feel better if that day comes.

Probably, the best lesson for myself this year is to not be afraid to depend on the little moments and people who kept holding out to me and convincing me that I deserve to be happy.

I'm extremely indebted to this year and for the people who made themselves part of my year when I did not ask them too, especially for those people who would fight longer just to convince me of that little good day because I at least deserve one. Someday, when I finally find myself emotionally available, I could do more than what I can today and pay back for this kindness you have shown me.

Thank you for the great memories and lessons, 2013. You will forever be missed.

And here's to creating significant memories for 2014.

I'm Louise Anne Daez Luces. An alien representative from the 8D world (the unpredictable creature galaxy). And a half human with the ice princess syndrome.

(Since I usually take note of these)
Song of the year: Bad Day
Summer Song: Dream
Frequent mental dialogue: Who cares about me?
Movie of the year: She's the One

I just finished reading my personal entries and realized how cold this year have become despite the best events I was blessed with.

This year probably gave me the best and changed some personal preferences to those that will help me in the future. This year switched my ideal type from GD to Taeyang, my tolerance level from high probability of getting pissed off to low probability even when people are not giving me any justice, and the feelings accompanied by the thoughts I've been bearing for a long time.

At some point, it was hilarious to recall my frustrations of not doing enough in academics, social activities and the weirdest one, in becoming closer to my ideal self. Academics gave its last best gift not only for me but for everyone, social activities dragged me to experience wild events with different people and even led me to do stupid things I never thought I would do in my life (dkjfd), and lastly, I somehow reached my ideal self when I tested my limits in balancing a lot of responsibilities at hand and still succeeded (aka Kaguya). Aside from this, the 'meltdown' has been succeeding. I mentioned before that emotional changes in yourself can only be noticed by others at first before noticing it yourself. For this year, the most evident victim of this is probably my family. My frequent thoughts of moving out miraculously changed to wanting to stay home forever. At this age, the family will be the only consistent group in life and imagining a week of not talking about the basic topics, getting the immediate and authentic support when I'm giving up, and assuring me that I'm doing well if not too much, will just deepen my lone existence in life.

The resurrecting chances and small closures also added to this year's surprises. The hobbies I let go off in high school (FF and RP) were given chances to close for me, old friends turned up and have become candidates as life-long friends, and most importantly, new people accepted me and have been continually convincing me that I matter despite the distant and emotional unavailability I have.

2013 gave me the best and more so, made me realize the best --- that I actually have them when I thought I had to seek for more. However, I always find myself returning to that empty and cold place within at the end of the day. The answer to this still remain unanswered but in general, this is a slap to the faces of people who gave me a lot to be grateful for this year and for the rest of my life. Whether the question's about finding why nothing holds me despite all the fun, looking for the answer to the interview question of what interests me, knowing what I deserve because almost everyone thinks that I deserve better, or finding a good place where people can just accept that fact I choose what I deserve or not, I would just like this figured out if not next year then someday.

As the song above goes, all of these are questions on when a sunny day will come to remove the coldness and if the feeling will actually feel better if that day comes.

Probably, the best lesson for myself this year is to not be afraid to depend on the little moments and people who kept holding out to me and convincing me that I deserve to be happy.

I'm extremely indebted to this year and for the people who made themselves part of my year when I did not ask them too, especially for those people who would fight longer just to convince me of that little good day because I at least deserve one. Someday, when I finally find myself emotionally available, I could do more than what I can today and pay back for this kindness you have shown me.

Thank you for the great memories and lessons, 2013. You will forever be missed.

And here's to creating significant memories for 2014.

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